Norfolk man attempting to sue major drinks companies

Funny story written by sgt.bunny

Thursday, 17 September 2009

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After a night of excess Terry Spalding, 32, is launching a legal attack on four producers of alcoholic beverages for not listing the possible side effects that may occur when consuming their product.

Mr Spalding, of Gumford near Kings Lynn, feels sufficient warning was not placed on cans of Fisters or Stilla Fartois, or on bottles of Captain Moron's dark rum or the Merlot from Bulgarian low quality wine makers Wovykovikonk.

In a statement released this morning Mr Spalding said:

"A week ago I woke up in a field next to Gumford Primary School, in a red cocktail dress with no recollection of how I got there.

"Gumford is a small place and news quickly reached me that I'd spent the latter part of the night salsa dancing in the street with stray dogs and loudly suggesting someone take a look at my front bottom."

Mr Spalding had reportedly sat down alone to watch the England World Cup qualifier against Croatia last Wednesday with a few beers, that turned into a few more, before running out and moving onto the rum and finally discovering the Wovykovikonk behind his sofa presumably left from a party at the address a week before.

Mr Spaldings lawyer Nigel Nigelson said "My client is a normal man, never before prone to acts of transvestitism, so this is totally out of character".

"It is unclear which drink caused these side effects, not to mention the disappearance of hundreds of Gumford residents plant pots that were later found in the same field with my client spelling out the word 'Hoochy-mama', so we are suing them all", he revealed.

"The fact that clear warnings about this sort of thing were not on the products is an obvious oversight on the companies part, and my client is entitled to compensation for the ridicule he has been put through following that night".

Fisters, Stilla Fartois, and Captain Moron all refused to comment on the matter but Wovikovikonk spokesman Victor Bolykov labelled the lawsuit "Retarded".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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