Susan Boyle has announced she will be standing for parliament in the constituency of Totnes.
Her agent, Mr Simon Cowell, made the following statement:
"I was naturally drawn to Totnes following the Tories' shallow publicity stunt of a so called open primary. I thought, I know a woman who has no experience of politics and who can be used to garner public support in a totally vacuous and immoral way - good old Susan."
Susan Boyle has so far no policies and no idea that she is standing - either as a parliamentary candidate or on two feet. Simon Cowell explained that he had persuaded Susan to dip her toe into politics by telling her that she was standing for "Loch Ness." As he explained - "Loch Ness, Totnes. It's assonance - and Susan wouldn't understand complex poetic metre as she wouldn't understand our role in Afghanistan - so where's the problem?"
