London - (ReUterus): "Serves the buggers right!" ex-MI5 Colonel Sir Waldo Peecock, KCMG, is chuckling with glee at his rather splendid Farrow & Ball'd Downshire Hill Regency villa as the scrot-rot outbreak at Hampstead Heath men's naturist pond threatens to reach pandemic proportions.
Sir Waldo is one of the legions of North Londoners who reckon some scientifically tampered-with algae is behind the H1N1 flesh-eating norovirus attacking male prepuces in the NW3 pond.
"Trust me, Porton Down is behind this lark!" the Colonel sniggered as scores of other disapproving red-blooded males in the leafy enclaves of Hampstead joined him to poo-poo a petition for immediate action to destroy the algae.
"Damned fine way to solve the problem of homosexuality in the neighborhood!" the Colonel Twittered today to his pals as the Royal Freak Hospital down the road confirmed yet another dozen males had been admitted for immediate penis transpalnts.
Boy George is a Men's Pond regular.