Amanda Holden lingerie pictures story to be retracted

Funny story written by Earnest A. Peal

Thursday, 11 June 2009


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image for Amanda Holden lingerie pictures story to be retracted
Countries where Holden has been photographed topless appear in dark green.

A lawsuit by Amanda Holden and her husband Desmond Tutu against peeping-Tom paparazzo working for the London Daily Soft-porn News has the print and online media scrambling to expunge her images from their pages.

'Actress' Amanda Holden claimed in her suit that semi-naked pictures of her in the Soft-porn News were taken with a telephoto lens. Judges are likely to become harder when regarding such photos, considering new EU human rights laws passed in Britain last year.

This has been a wake-up call to other media to get rid of all risque mention of Holden. As an example, a website deleted the story, "Amanda Holden lingerie pictures are hot", although the only picture in the article is of a cucumber. The story was previously the most popular single story on the site.

"We were worried that viewers, or Holden's lawyers, might assume some sort of implied sexual use of the cucumber, which wasn't our intent at all," said Ding-Dang Biddle-Bop Bucket-of-Bones Lowton, co-owner of the news site from a pub in Bristols. (Lowton has changed his name from "Mark" in an effort to evade unpaid pub tabs in his previous home of Lancaster.)

The photos in question were taken in a garden during Ms Holden's holiday in Italy with Lord Wakeman, chairperson of the Press Control Commission. Lord Wakeman earlier maintained that pictures of himself in a tryst with Holden on a public beach were not private, since a beach is a public space, but no one can argue that sunbathing in the nude in the front garden, behind a 3-foot tall picket fence, is anything but private.

Jason Frigglemeyer, in charge of semi-porn photos at the Express Group, refused to comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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