UK Health Officials warned today that a hay fever pandemic was about to blitz the UK. Symptoms are said to manifest themselves in continuous sneezing, a runny nose, and teary eyes.
Opinion is divided as to what causes the mysterious ailment, with some experts blaming oilseed rape pollen, some blaming excessive sunshine, and others blaming inflated parliamentary expense claims.
The government declined to declare a state of emergency but admitted that it was giving serious consideration to asking for Joanna Lumley's help in controlling this latest scourge.
Although the condition is rarely life-threatening, health chiefs advised the public to be on their guard, saying that if Michael Jackson could fall prey to this malevolent scourge then no-one is safe.
More pollen related frippery as we get it.