Written by Lightning Conductor

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

image for Darling reveals 2009 Budget - England begins Evacuation!
Amazing Satellite Pic of "Last Man in England" just before turning off the lights & departing for Baghdad!

As Chancellor Alistair Darling was commending his "Carbon Budget" to the House and busily trying to explain away the Giant tax increases on the horizon, opposition MP's pelted him with shoes whilst shouting "Go back to Scotland you Jock tosser".

It was shockingly revealed by TheSpoof.com that the reaction of middle England was a decision to leave for foreign shores, we hear that a huge evacuation was tonight underway!

The Coastguard even had reports of a family in a coracle trying to reach Mozambique where income tax is low, crime is about the same although stab injuries are far lower.

Spokesmen for both Halfords & Argos announced a sudden run on roofracks as people were loading up their cars & vans with whatever they could fit in before setting fire to their homes and fleeing for England's many ferry ports.

"I'm off to Afghanistan" shouted Barry Biggins from Bermondsey as he loaded his family into the back of a Belgian lorry specialising in bringing Afghans from the opposite direction! "The Driver's only charging us half price as a back load so he doesn't have to go back empty", grinned the gap toothed geezer from SE16, "I love a bargain me", he added whilst clambering into the trailer & vanishing behind a stack of pallets.

Motorway Police reported that The M25 was full of Range Rovers & Bentleys travelling in convoy as the few remaining lower middle, middle & upper middle class white people fled to their emergency shelters in Portugal and St.Tropez.

Authorities in many third world countries were bracing themselves for an impending invasion of English families expected to touch down later tonight.

Pakistan is expected to be particularly inundated with asylum seekers all trying to get to Helmand where the living conditions will be positively joyous compared to the harsh socialist fundamentalist state that they are fleeing !

A Taliban spokesman said that "We've had a whip round & are anxious to help in any way we can to improve life for those fleeing such a "Godless State".

We interviewed a family from Knightsbridge that were headed off to the Horn of Africa for a bit of peace & quiet away from the misery & poverty surrounding them in their native London - "Oh Hi, ya, we're like getting out while we can" stated Giles, a Hedge Fund Manager.

"I'm going to open a new venture servicing Pirate Ships" grinned the floppy haired public school type of chap as he herded his "Gal and Sprogs 1 & 2" towards the First Class Check in with Somalian International Airlines.

The Inland Revenue declined to confirm that they'd just instigated a new policy of confiscating anything of value from anyone flying anywhere to help with the fight against "The Global Banking Crisis" !!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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