Mark Croft "I Didn't Rip Kerry Off"

Funny story written by Mrs Kensington

Friday, 20 March 2009

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In an exclusive interview, Kerry Katona's unpopular husband Mark has revealed that HE filed for divorce from his out of control wife, not the other way round.

"It's been a nightmare" he said, in tears. "Kerry's been telling everyone I've been demanding posh cars and that, but the real story is I've been bringing Ferraris here and valeting them for footballers for twenty quid a pop."

The emotional slap-head went on to describe how the couple had been living on his post office account overdraft "for months". "Kerry is completely away with the fairies on booze and beef curry" he sobbed. "I've been trying to pretend its her bipolar, but I can't go on anymore. She's a violent drunk and I'm terrified of 'er - but despite everything, I still love the slapper."

Miss Katona was unavailable for comment today, but a close friend told reporters that it was "complete arsoles" that Kerry was a drunk and had been terrorizing her husband. "It is true that she's necking three or four beef curries with rice and chips a day and flashing her tits a lot though."

She added that Kerry only slurs her words when she doesn't take her lithium, but wouldn't comment about rumours that three bottles of medication, listed as "Kerry's Bipolar Pills" have been put on Ebay with a reserve price of £250,000, by a mystery seller called "Mr Ferrari"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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