Many people may have thought that Morris Dancing was on the wane, but they could not be further from the truth as blitzkrieg squads of Morris Dancers have been spotted kidnapping young children to bring them up in the traditional Druid dancing style.
The first case known was at the end of summer when the Glossop Morris Dancing Troupe raided nearby Saddleworth and grabbed several children aged between seven and twelve whilst dressed in full regalia. Locals knew something odd was going on when they heard the clacking of sticks, the jingling of ankle bells and the cries of "Hey Nonny Non!" ringing down Main Street.
"It's a catastrophe," said bearded Saddleworth Morris Dancing leader Duncan Teabiscuit. "We were aiming on bring those youths into our own troupe via the more traditional youth club brain washing."
Reprisal attacks have seen children snatched from all over the Northwest, which is a hotbed of Morris Dancing activity. It is believed that the children will be force taught Morris Dancing in time for the Arrival of Spring dance in April. Anxious parents will be attending these events with squads of psychological de-programmers in the hope of spotting their missing loved ones and reclaiming them, but the De-programmers don't hold out much hope.
"Morris Dancing is insidious," said Fingle Bumpfeeler. "Once it gets a grip, it is very difficult to escape."
At first Greater Manchester Police didn't believe in the kidnappings. DI Phil Inns: "My first thought was 'pull the other one, it's got bells on', but when it turned out more children had been snatched than you could shake a beribboned stick at, we had to act. Unfortunately, we've yet to locate their base of operations. We ask the public to be vigilant."
