In a sensational doorstep confession this morning, the alleged notorious Neasden organised crime kingpin Arthur Pewty admitted to having Iceland connections.
In the wake of the collapse of the Icelandic banking system, Pewty released the following statement:
'Gentlemen, I have to clean over this one. It is a fact that I have a connection with Iceland.
'When I'd finished a night shift I would sometimes pop into their shop to purchase frozen foodstuffs.
Usually it was Black Forest Gateau, Southern Fried Chicken Breasts, Stella Artois, chocolate biscuits, oven chips, and sometimes crisps.
'Having admitted this, it must be said that I paid for said merchandise and at at no point siphoned billions out of the Icelandic banking system.
'I am not a gangster, or an organised crime boss, as I continue to reiterate. I am an ordinary bloke who works shifts in a factory.
'And that is the God's honest truth.
'Now why don't you all piss off and leave me alone.'