Results of the "Name B&Q" competition

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

image for Results of the "Name B&Q" competition
You are what they shall be.

For years, people have wondered what DIY superstore B&Q's initials stood for. After a variety of suggestions, such as Block and Quail and Been and Queued, Euan Sutherland admitted during his appointment speech that it does not actually stand for anything.

Always keen to turn a negative into a positive, Mr Sutherland promptly set up a competition for school children to provide the initials with meaning.

At a press conference yesterday, Mr Sutherland announced the results.

"We decided, due to the overwhelming entries to this competition to announce winners in age categories. In the 0-5 category, Jessie Coward or Manchester won with 'Barbie Que'. The 6-9 year old winner is Dustin Shelves from Southampton, who suggested 'Brilliant Quality', whilst the 10-13 category was won by Roberta Anne Quailey of Canterbury who came up with Bob and Quailey. Highly imaginative, I'm sure you'll agree. The 14 to 16 year old winner was Anthony Blaire from Newcastle with Bodge-it and Quit, which made us laugh!"

Mr Sutherland then moved onto the overall winner. "However, there can only be one meaning for the initials, and we've had a long hard read of all the entries, and decided to change the company name to 'Homebase'. It's easier all round, we think."

The winners from each of the age categories all got £500 B&Q vouchers to spend in store. Unfortunately, as B&Q as been renamed to Homebase, there is no where to spend them.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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