Wind Turbines to Combat Global Warming

Written by tonybee

Sunday, 8 June 2008

image for Wind Turbines to Combat Global Warming
Fans to cool Tory heartlands

Sources close to David Cameron have revealed that the Conservative Party leader is considering radical proposals to build thousands of wind turbines in the North of England, Scotland and Wales, in a bid to combat global warming.

However, the plan has nothing to do with renewable energy or, indeed, the generation of electricity. In fact, each fan will need to be powered from the national grid. The reason for building the turbines will be to combat rising temperatures by harnessing the combined cooling effect of the fans.

A Conservative spokesperson on Environmental affairs claimed, "We want to build approximately 500,000 turbines and position these in the those parts of the country typically hostile to our party. This way, we will not be losing any votes ...

"... The fans will be directed southwards, so that the combined fanning effect will be able to generate a moderate southerly directed breeze of around 15 MPH to 30 MPH as and when required ...

"... This breeze will have a cooling effect on the southern and home counties and will combat the rising temperatures that make Consvervative voters feel guilty about driving their huge 4x4's.

"... In addition, we will be building three new nuclear power stations in northern coastal areas to supply the power requirements of the fans ...

Green Party officials are said to be very angry with the plans and claim that one turbine will need to be built for every 500 sq feet of land, "There will be no open spaces left in those areas earmarked for the development"

However, the Conservatives have countered by claiming that the building of the turbines will be the biggest civil engineering project since the building of the railways in the mid 19th century, creating tens of thousands of jobs and lucrative contracts for London based companies.

Beleagured Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has not commented on the plans although Labour back benchers are livid, claiming that this is just the sort of Tory policy that fuels the north south divide. It is widely thought that the PM is sitting on the fence, waiting to see "which way the wind blows"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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