The entire worldwide staff of advertising agency McCann Erickson has sensationally been arrested in dawn raids by elite Portuguese Special Forces following an anonymous tip-off by seven pissed journalists in a Praia da Luz tapas bar.
Police Spokesman Felipe Twat hailed the arrests as "a major breakthrough" in the year-long succession of cock-ups and bewilderingly random accusations (you mean "painstakingly methodical and dilligent police work"? Ed.) that have characterised the Madeline McCann investigation.
Chief Inspector Hector Notafuckingclue of the Algarve CID paid tribute to the bravery displayed by his officers, who also had to confiscate large quantities of cappuccino coffee and recreational narcotics in the process.