Al Qaeda Open Garden Centre

Written by ozworld

Thursday, 13 March 2008

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Financially troubled terror organisation Al Qaeda are hoping to raise their flagging fortunes with the opening of their new garden centre in the small English town of Tipton.

Featuring an impressive range of garden wares including what owners claim is the largest range of wheelbarrows available anywhere in the UK store manager Abu al Zaqawi says the target market for the new operation are those who enjoy mixing a pleasant afternoon of gardening with a bit of good old fashioned violence.

"We noticed some time ago that no-one was catering for what we call "the blood thirsty gardener" so we've developed a range of products that we think will fill that gap" he said

Exploding bird-baths and booby trapped rakes are all part of the new line of products as well as what Zaqawi says will be their "hottest item"

"We've developed a new kind of rock which will not only make a perfect covering for the garden but can also be used if all of a sudden you decide that it's time you gave the wife a nice old stoning"

Whilst throwing rocks at the wife is a trend that has yet to take off in the UK al Zaqawi has high hopes and has already sent off an instructional video to television shows such as Ground Force.

"We haven't heard back from them yet but I'm confident the sight of someone lieing unconscious in the front garden will appeal to any self respecting horticulturalist" he said

With the stores grand opening looming al Zaqawi remained tight lipped about any festivities planned for the big day although he did let slip that one lucky shopper will walk away with a special "gardening pack" including various tools and hoses along with enough fertilizer to blow up the Tower of London.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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