Aberneedhsire, Scotland - (Risible Mess): Forensic psychiatrists have been called in by Scotland's heraldic council The Court of the Lord Lyin' Rampant to evaluate Donald Trump's latest foray into megalomania with the unauthorised use of a coat of arms.
Trump has plastered his wannabe Scottish golf club website with a tacky design featuring his personal emblems of the native Las Vegas split beaver, a fist wielding a bundle of cash and a fully loaded Magnum 45 pointed at local government officials.
Planning authorities have consistently thrown out his golfing proposals on environmental and aesthetic grounds.
But this hasn't stopped The Donald from pursuing the Scottish branch of his egomanic dreams.
However, today's decision by heraldic council chiefs could tip the balance in any decision to allow Trump an appeal about his golf plans.
"A team of Scotland's top forensic psychiatrists have assessed the entire proposal," a Lord Lyin' Rampant official has warned.
"Their preliminary findings are highly critical of the undue pressure Mr Trump has brought to these proceedings.
"Analysis of the themes in his illicit coat of arms imagery shows a psychological disorder treatable only with permanent incarceration under section."
Verdict: certifiable.
