Surrey - (Radioactive Mess): Police are probing ex-UK Prime Monster Margaret Thatcher's PR director Lord Bell after one of his Russian oligarch clients mysteriously dropped dead while enjoying a potentially lethal Plutonium 210-laden ciggie.
Bad-ass Patarkatsishvili, 52, a sworn enema of Russian President Vladimir Sputum, was found dead at his Surrey home last night shortly after posting a blog on the TotallyLegit&LovableRussianOligarch.con website voicing his personal Plutonium 210 fears.
Lord Bell has been his official campaign manager for the last three years.
He had masterminded a sustained image clean-up that ideally would have seen Patarkatsishvili getting a UK passport, a House of Lords life peerage and eventually leaving whoppping great big £100 million legacy to the Tory Party coffers.
Now Bell's grooming of the Russian enigma is under the spotlight after reports that he discovered his client was in reality a bankrupt fishmonger from Tony Blair's former Sedgefield constituency.
Nicknamed Ding-Dong by Hellfire Club grandees, Timothy Bell's previous 1970s incarnation as a cocaine baron was hastily re-scripted by Tory central casting into the genius behind the Saatchi & Saatchi spin machine that erased all Thatcher's proven DNA links to Adolf Hitler.
Bell, 69, personally handled the media campaign when ex-KGB/MI6 turncoat Alexander Litvinenko became London's first Plutonium 210 victim in November 2006, sparking a inter-continental spooks' slanging match that fingered Putin's pals in Bloodyvostock.
Bell is also friendly with a number of dodgy expat Russian tycoons (sic) such as trophy client Boris Berezovsky, 55, who is wanted on multiple war crimes/arms running/drug dealing charges back home.
Another notable trophy in the Bell hall of fame is his December 2006 coup de foudre in successfully advising Prime Monster of the day Tony Blair to harrass the UK's Serious Fraud Office into dropping its £10 billion bribery probe into the Sordid Arabian Al Yamamah arms deal.
This exposed the UK Ministry of Defence's multi-billion pound slush fund that greased the arse of Saudi ambassador to the US Prince Bandar and 'facilitated' the £40 billion arms deal.
UK official defence contractor BAE Systems was outed as the moneylaundering tool that ensured all manner of miscreants who had sanitised George W Bush's substantial criminal career were ennobled into the House of Lords, given cushy public orifice sinecures or rebranded into children's fiction-writing heroines such as JK Rowling.
A recent London court case has exposed Prince Bandar of feeding secret bank accounts from his BAE largesse into the near bankrupt coffers of Michael Jackson.
There has been a wall of silence from Lord Bell this morning.
