Formerly famous TV celebrities and Royal household pets, The Wombles, have fallen on hard times since their latest series was axed due to falling viewing figures.
The Wombles, failing to earn an income through celebrity endorsements and toy tie-ins, have fallen back on their old jobs of litter-collecting on Wimbledon common.
Former X-Factor winning Womble Orinico, said today,"Things aren't what they used to be on the common, we used to find interesting stuff like broken toys, newspapers, and food. Now it's all syringes and used condoms. We have had to paper a couple of new rooms with Durex packets. It's been a nightmare for Great Uncle Bulgaria, we told him they were sweet wrappers and two weeks later he was still chewing a condom. We had to confess."
Following their phenomenal TV success in the 70's, including a hit single, The Wombles became Royal pets by appointment, cleaning up the Royal Families image. Expecting to move into movies and lucrative stock market careers, they took out an extensive shares portfolio, which sadly fell flat as work dried up.
Michelin star winning chef, Madame Cholet, points out that sticking a pin in a map of shares proabably wasn't the best way of deciding which ones to invest in. "When eet crashed," she comments, "Ah was forced to become ze 'ooker on ze streets of London to mek ze ends meet, eet was a terrible time pour moi - all zose 80's yuppie poodles with zere fast cars and designer dogfood."
As Orinoco points out though, being an alcoholic on benefits is a better fate that "poor Tomsk" who found a couple of computer discs in a bin on the common and was suddenly seized and incarcerated in Guantanamo bay with no explanation.
