LONDON -- Initial tests coming back on the Prime Ministers Left Testicle show no cancer. The Prime Minister and his family showed great relief. "I trust my doctors," said the visibly tired and shaken Prime Minister. The testicle was removed urgently yesterday after an exam from his doctor Johan Beazer.
It has been reported unofficially in some circles that the Prime Minister found the lump himself while soaping himself in the shower. "It's the scariest thing you could go through," he said. "I thank the Lord for good prognosis. I thank the British people for all there prayers and good wishes. It has meant a lot to us."
Pathologist Barney Brown (no relation to the Prime Minister) state that the testicle itself is normal in every facet with one exception. "There is a small protrusion on the superior surface of the testicle which is what the Right Honourable Mr. Brown felt. I've never seen anything like it. It seems to be a pouch filled entirely with excess testosterone."
Asked if he thought the Prime Minister would miss this extra testosterone, Dr. Brown stated, "No, not at all. He's got enough for five men. We should probably take the other one as well. This man will never want for testosterone, he's loaded to the eyeballs." When it was pointed out to Dr. Brown that taking the other Testicle would leave the PM with no capability to make testosterone, he countered, "it appears that this Prime Minister had already started growing a third testicle, he's got far too much testosterone.
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair sent his best wishes to his former colleague. "Not cancer? Well I guess that's good news, isn't it then? Better luck next time." The Prime Minister will be returning to work within the next few days.