Jungle Warfare breaks out in "I'm not a Celebrity Get me out of here!"

Funny story written by IN SEINE

Sunday, 18 November 2007


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Will Ms J. walk out of the jungle?

Yes, the phone lines could well be rigged! Yet again, some kind of voting system has gone haywire. A has-been super-model (who knows what it's like to give birth!) from across the pond, has had various face-lifts, botox injections, and other bodily enhancements to look good in the jungle. She has been voted to do a fifth consecutive celebrity challenge. Although it is of good entertainment value, it is feared that she will quit if pushed too far.

The unknown celeb, known only as Ms J. (once married to an orange UK Antiques dealer) complained to Aunty Dec, the programme's psychologist "If they put me in again, I'm quitting! I'm NO chicken - in fact I know I'm NO spring chicken either. What's wrong with these British people, haven't they heard of altruism? Why should I get all the trials? There are several people here who have not done anything yet and I think they ought to."

The programmes producers have been accused of cheating after a viewer from Milton Keynes, Mr Joe Public, complained to OFTEL, the telephone watchdog "Me and me wife must 'ave called the show 100 times in one hour to vote for a Welsh blonde but did she get it? Naw, not a snowflake in hell's chance!"

A disgruntled Mr Public added ¨Me and me Mrs are losing interest in the programme fast because all we hear is that Yank with her moans about the creatures, the food, her fellow contestants and her constant whingeing "YUCK'.. I'm not going to touch that!" If things don't improve I am going to watch Top Gear, even Clarkson has more sex appeal!"

The Programme's producers insisted that they had not cheated and actually reported the poll results. Polly Graff, spokeswoman and tea lady, said that there were 10 to vote for, we had just over 400 calls (as opposed to 40,000+ on previous series).These were as follows:

Ms J. USA 102 points
Grey-haired football manager/professional chauvinist 101 points
Blond Welsh singer 100 points
Navaho Indian squaw 74 points
Old, self-opinionated wannabe chef who likes the taste of warm Witchety grubs 25 points
The others, nil points.

As the programme progresses we shall get more callers voting" said Polly, as she put the kettle on.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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