New Scotland Yard, London - (Assinine Mess): The head of the UK Serious & Disorganised Fraud Squad says the visiting King of Sordid Arabia is a Mossad plant whose DNA is closer to the notorious Romanov family hypnotist Rasputin than to the Bedu roots of Ibn Saud.
The corpulent octogenarian monarch, whose visit has been notable for the total absence of any of his 30 wives or multiple concubines, held discussions with UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown today in a bid to discuss downpayments for a new Middle East invasion campaign against pesky neighbors in Iran.
Later today he will receive the arse-licking Pretender to the Puppet Throne whose slush fund from ex-Saudi ambassador to the USA Prince Bandar has now run dry after Camilla lost a packet on the Breeder's Cup last weekend by backing hexed Irish wonderhorse George Washington.
Bandar's largesse to the Pretender came from UK taxpayer funds which the MOD milked for baksheesh backhanders in the £40 billion Al Yammamah arms deal.
The 'consultancy fee' as it was then dubbed was laundered via UK state arms dealer BAE Systems straight into Bandar's coffers.
bandar then redistributed some of the £1.2 billion slush fund into Charles' coffers after commissioning him to hire Osama Bin Laden for the 9/11 stunt.
Further mercenary expenditure included Charles's hiring of the 7/7 London bombers and some dodgy derring-do necessary to excise all his NATO military intelligence criminal records.
The state visit ends Thursday when the Sordid entourage moves on to Europe where it hopes to continue its charade by leaning on EU leaders such as Angela Merkel and Nicholas Sarkozy in its bid to encourage the invasion of Iran as well as the permanent annexation of its oil fields.
Expect an update at the weekend.