Menezes jury told how Brazilian "walked suspiciously" to tube station

Funny story written by Noshing Mink

Tuesday, 2 October 2007


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A jury hearing about the killing of innocent Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes was told how the 27-year old electrician supposedly "walked like a terrorist from a house to Stockwell station".

Witness PC Trevor Triggerhappy said:

"The perp, I mean target, I mean victim was walking in a very suspicious manner. Most people walk by putting their right leg forward then following it with their left leg. He was doing it the other way round. I radioed this into the station, where Sergeant Neil Nukem told me to 'watch the bugger' while he sent for backup.

"I followed him to Stockwell Underground station and my suspicions were heightened by the fact that he did not whistle the National Anthem or shout abuse at an Afro-Caribbean family that he passed in the street, which any self-respecting patriot Englishman would have done."

The jury then saw video footage of de Menezes helping an old lady across the street and asking a blind man if he needed assistance, before he finally arrived at the tube station, where he politely asked for a day return. PC Triggerhappy continued:

"By this time, the rest of the shoot-em-up squad had arrived, headed by Chief Inspector Kyle Killemall, who whispered 'Hands up' for the CCTV cameras before we emptied our pump action shotguns into Mr. Menezes. He failed to come quietly so we continued shooting him."

There has been much criticism in the British press about the fact that nobody is on trial for the killing of an innocent man and that the only charge is that by murdering Mr. Menezes, the Metropolitan Police violated health and safety laws. If found guilty, the Metropolitan Police force could be fined £50.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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