Ian Huntley Suicide Bid Blunder-Home Office Recommendations

Funny story written by carina-eta

Friday, 28 September 2007

image for Ian Huntley Suicide Bid Blunder-Home Office Recommendations
Give him an inch-hopefully he'll take a foot.

Soham killer Ian Huntley has once again been saved from suicide by blundering prison guards. Since being in prison, Huntley has attempted suicide on at least two occasions, normally involving stored tablets.

Despite receiving dozens of pills, ropes and sharp instruments from well-wishers by post, the murderer, described as "unpopular" by fellow inmates has once again eluded a swift death following the vigilance of guards at Woodhill jail in Milton Keynes.

Prison Governors today called an emergency meeting after inexperienced prison guards mistakenly revived Huntley after the double child killer collapsed after yet another "cry for help".

A governor commented that his prison was short staffed after the Home Office instructed all police officers, special constables and prison guards to take emergency Bronze Proficiency swimming certificates.

Prison officers have blamed the staff shortage for today's blunder, but a member of the public has suggested that if Huntley genuinely wants to commit suicide, prison officials might want to consider throwing him into a flooded quarry in front of a couple of special constables.

"Apparently they don't recognise that sort of cry for help", he commented.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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