Written by Noshing Mink

Wednesday, 12 September 2007

image for Unemployed man head butts Sir Alex Ferguson in groin at a railway station
Kevin Reynolds head butts celebrities in the groin for a living.

Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson was "head butted in the groin" at Euston Station on Monday night, City of Westminster magistrates were told today. The defendant, Kevin Reynolds, 43, admitted the offence of assault occasioning actual bodily harm.

Exactly what Sir Alex was doing at Euston Station late at night and exactly why Reynolds was bent down in front of him with his head level with Sir Alex's groin both remain mysteries.

Reynolds' barrister claimed that her client thought that the Manchester United boss was a "Sir Alex look-alike". During the course of the hearing, it emerged that Reynolds had head-butted several other celebrities in the groin, too, claiming that he had mistaken them for "look-alikes" too. They had made complaints to the police, though actor Hugh Grant, who had claimed to have been head-butted in the groin at Kings Cross Station, had later retracted his complaint, admitting that the whole incident was "an accident".

Magistrate Daphne Wickham adjourned the case, telling Reynolds:

"While head-butting a complete nobody is pardonable, you can't head-butt a celebrity like Sir Alex and expect to get away with it. I am remanding you to the Crown Court for sentence."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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