Fair Trade - Ten Glorious Years

Written by Dan Holmes

Tuesday, 2 March 2004

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It's Fair Trade fortnight - so let's all celebrate improved relations with the colonies and more money in those poor benighted natives' pockets!

Yes, that's right. Fair Trade, the organisation that tries to iron out the massive inequalities in trading relations between us here in the affluent west and those downtrodden chappies in the Third World, is celebrating its tenth anniversary. That's Ten Glorious Years of helping people with skins of a different hue try to be more like us.

Stanley Livingstone, Fair Trade spokesmouthpiece, was bullish. "In ten short years we've managed a huge amount," he told theSpoof. "What we could have done in ten long years I don't know, but anyway. Bananas, tea, cheap red wine for running the car - you name it, we've brought it under the Fair Trade umbrella. It's summed up by our motto - overpriced, overproduced, over here."

"Our greatest success? Without a doubt it has to be Fair Trade Slavery. No longer are slaves sold in the west for peanuts - though peanuts wouldn't be a bad swap, by any means. No. These days our dusky maidens and husky lads command a good price on the open market. It doesn't matter whether you're looking for women for sex, men for work, or the other way around, Fair Trade Slaves has what you want - at a Fair Trade price. Log onto our website - www.slaves4u.com - and check out the merchandise."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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