It has been announced by Parliament this morning, that Tewkesbury, besieged by floodwaters that have effectively made the town an island, has declared independence from Great Britain.
Derek Tidemark, the mayor of the sleepy Gloucestershire town, spoke to Prime Minister Gordon Brown by telephone last night to inform him that Tewkesbury was no longer part of Britain, and that no.10 should not try any 'funny business' that involved soldiers or tanks.
Mayor Tidemark later told BBC news:
"We're tired of that bloody Tony Blair, that bloody Gordon Brown, bloody Muslim bloody terrorists and that bloody Elton John - what a bloody tosspot he is! We can do a damn sight better on our own, thank you!"
Tewkesbury has been cut off from the rest of the country by surging floodwaters from the Rivers Severn and Avon due to unseasonal ropey weather. A water treatment centre in the town has been put out of operation, and local residents are now being forced to drink, and bathe in, raw sewage.
Already, a navy has 'put to sea' in rubber dinghies to defend its coastal waters from invading forces that are attempting to bring in fresh drinking water supplies.
"It's just not good enough", said pensioner Ethel Towel, 82, "we all went to the pub last night and had a chinwag. It was the general consensus that we should form our own country. We've already written our own national anthem."
Officials at Downing Street were remaining tight-lipped about the development this morning, giving only the briefest details about the announcement.
Mr Brown, eating his corn flakes, said:
"Huh? Tewkesbury? Where's that?"
