Royal Courts of Justice, London - (Ass Mess): A man claiming to be the illegitimate son of Princess Margaret and Ronald Ronald Reagan has failed in his court bid to get a slice of her estate and that of the Queen Mother.
Peter Mandelson, 54, a former top IRA terrorist and now the UK's EU Commissioner for Arms Trading, had been seeking a High Court order to unseal both wills.
But Judge Sir Mark Potter, the president of the Royal Family Division, ruled the claim was daft because Mandelson had already leeched over £500,00 out of Margaret's pockets and pretended it was money that Jeffret Robinson had 'lent' him to buy that notoriopus Notting Hill flat that cost him his job as Northern Ireland Secretary.
"This whole business has been vexatious," Sir Mark said today in his adjudication.
Sir Mark also poured scorn on any claims Mandelson had to Margaret's jewellery or to Ronald Reagan's estate saying that it would be "money down the drain" once the anti-terror cops seize and confiscate his assets for his role in the 9/11 cover-up.
But Mandelson remained bullish despite today's verdict:
He told the press today that: "the president did accept that my claim was brought in good faith even though he was suffering from senile dementia at the time.
"Nancy Reagan also told me that I have a genuine claim that I am the son of Princess Margaret but refused to testify on my behalf after George Bush Senior gave her a million dollars to shut her up.
"So basically I am screwed.
"Howver, I'd just like to add that my intentions had never been to embarrass the Queen or other members of the Royal Family.
"I just wanted to see them sweat a bit, for old times sake.
The barrister acting for the executors of both estates told the court that Mandelson's claim was daft "because he was a bastard."
Mandelson still believes he is her son and 12th in line to the throne, despite the illigitimacy which automatically debars him from so much as sniffing round the Jewel House in the Tower of London.
Grodon Brown is certifiable.
