London - (Associated Mess): The National Association of Real Estate Floggers has warned that a house price crash is imminent in the prestigious leafy residential North London enclave of Primrose Hill following reports that EU Commissioner for Trade Peter Mandelson has somehow managed to accumulate enough European Union freebie handouts to put down a deposit on a bijou late-Victorian gem overlooking the crack-dealing end of the NW3 locale.
The area has become well-known for the non-Scientology end of B-List celebs looking for a catchy address within coke- snorting distance of neighboring Camden Lock, whose fortunes have swelled since these glitterati of the big screen discovered just how handy it is for all their out-of-hours pharmaceutical needs.
House prices have soared on the Hill during the last three years and some residents have hardly been able to hide their amazement at the bespoke motorbike courier system of local deliveries which ensure that residents' septums are kept in a perpetual state of chronic deterioration as cocaine prices fluctuate.
But Mandy's latest foray into the property market has clearly upset many locals judging from the hurried posting of countless For Sale boards outside those stucco-fronted terraces.
Agents have reported that many vendors are now trying to muscle into neighboring Regent's Park, despite the price differentials of the two areas being akin to the Richter Scale points system whereby the price for a two up two down in Primrose Hill necessitates at least another zero on a similar property in the Park next door.
"Many will try to climb the next rung of the ladder instead and head for nearby Belsize Park", said one local realtor.
"There's slightly less crack connectivity there but the area is rumoured to be going wi-fi so scoring that late-night gramme of the devilish white powders should be even easier now that the on-line option becomes available."
Someone should tell Mandy.
