Kate Moss junks Doherty

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

image for Kate Moss junks Doherty
Doherty's home in Dalston is already crammed with junk

London - (Ass Mess): Kate Moss called in a fleet of pantchnicons today to junk Pete Doherty's trash from her life as well as from her house in North London's uber-hip Primrose Hill.

Reporters counted six acoustic guitars, an accordion, ten bongs, two heavily-laden tea chests labelled 'herbal remedies', two black sacks brimming with Rizla packets and chillum filters, an early Banksy mural stolen from a municipal site under Waterloo Bridge, an upright piano, five Alsatian dogs, hundreds of pairs of Armani jeans, two dozen pot plants in various stages of growth and a self-portrait in oils.

A large skip parked outside the house was also filled with an assortment of what looked like trashed lovers' gifts and personal grooming items.

"Kate is now having the place fumigated," a source told reporters after the vans drove off to Doherty's home in Dalston.

"Then sh's moving somewhere more up-market than Primrose Hill becuse the area has really gone down recently.

"Too much Hampstead trailer-trash have downsized to the Hill and she's had enough of her neighbors.

"Ideally she'd like a new start to help her get over her pesky ex-boyfriend of three years.

"But she won't be moving just yet, or at least not until she can reverse a ban from moving into Regent's Park where there are injunctions, issued on health grounds, that stop her moving into that billionaires' playground."

Pete Doherty is 29.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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