London - (Ass Mess): Ex UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has confirmed that he has been rehired by the GOP after officially standing down from his London day job.
"Only this time it's different because Corrupt Bastards Club oil profits will pay my salary and expenses directly without the tedium of formal paperwork," Blair told reporters at his former Sedgefield constituency today.
Asked just how much he would be earning Blair refused to comment on speculation that his per diem allowance will be in excess of $20,000.
"That's just loose talk," Blair retorted.
"I'm to be paid on a strict results-oriented basis.
"So securing lasting peace in the Gaza Strip could be worth up to $100 million for instance.
"Getting the Taleban to convert to Christianity? A similar amount.
"Negotiating a civil war ceasefire in Iraq? A bit more maybe, around $150 million perhaps.
And getting Paris Hilton to remember to always wear panties in public?
"Don't be daft!" Blair said, blushing.
"There's just some things that mere mortals cannot accomplish.
"And coming between Paris and her underwear is one of them."
