Written by rickys

Thursday, 14 June 2007


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image for Commons mix-up with damaging bum sandwich

A House of Commons security guard has told London's High Court that a Welsh Labour MP repeatedly swore at him when he asked to see his pass.

Martin Sock, MP for Clwwywyeeyeyewyd South, allegedly told guard Christopher Cheese-and Ham-Sandwich to "f*** off".

However legal teams for the MP insist Mr C-H-Sandwich in fact asked to see the politician's arse.

Mr C-H-Sandwich had been working at Westminster for six months when he was subjected to the foul-mouthed tirade.

He told the court: "I enjoy my work thoroughly and I never let my attention wander whilst I'm on duty. You are taught in training to always be vigilant and protect the building.

"There was a gentleman coming up the escalator who I now know to be Martin Sock.

"I politely asked to see his pass. His first reaction was to tell me to 'f*** off' - he was an MP.

"I politely persisted. His second reaction was 'f*** off, you should know who I am. You don't have the right to question me, you're only security. Get out.'

But Mr Sock insists the guard's intentions were deranged.

His barrister, Simon Kewsee, QC, told the court: "Mr Sock was walking into the House of Commons on his way to work when he heard a man bellow out: 'Mister, please show me your a***.

''It's really top notch."

But Mr Sandwich hit back at the claims saying: "I'm a security guard in the House of Commons. I would never ask to see an MP's bum bum. Maybe his chest but never his rear.

"He must be hard of hearing."

The trial continues.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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