The House of Lords took the extra-ordinary step last night, of issuing a statement on behalf of the Law Lords.
The statement read, "We, the Law Lords would like it to be known that we will no-longer recognise Lord Hutton as a Judge. He's been a very bad boy. All that blind ignorance, accusing the BBC of lying when everyone, and we mean everyone, even little Leo Blair, knows Tony lied, Alistair Lied, Jonathon Lied, Geoff Lied. In fact anyone even vaguely connected to New Labour lied, its what they do for a living. We would also like it to be noted that we the Law Lords consider Hutton's attack on the BBC to be entirely unfounded; we accept they made a hash of reporting the news, but what's new they always do that. I mean come on they were filming from the Arizona desert during the Iraq invasion. Any way if you got treated the way the beeb did by this government you'd stop giving a crap about whether your telling the truth or not you'd just be out to finish the bastards. Which is exactly what that reporter bloke did. He found a right little scoop, so Tony and friends leaked his source's name, got a loyal judge to fudge a report into the whole thing and blame it all on the BBC. The BBC had to let heads roll so Messer's Davis and Dyke got the chop. Do you really think the Murdoch buys BBC rumour was a joke, they're serious its only a matter of time. Yet we're supposed to think its dictatorial regimes that control all forms of communication, not democracy loving western society governments, oops another lie."
Such a statement is an unprecedented event, one political commentator unable to hide his shock was heard mumbling "My job, My job, oh my God my Job. If people believe these gits I'm stuffed." The commentators phone rang and his wife could be heard screaming "Trevor get your f***ing arse home now, or your dinners going in the dog" Mr Kavanagh refused to be interviewed, he ran away screaming "I'm not one of them, they made me lie."
Hutton's report is considered by many in the know to be this governments best bit of spin yet, as an expert put it "To get away with using a friendly judge, to produce a report which states almost the opposite of the inevitable truth, on every single point, is an absolute master piece, Karl Rowe and Ms. Rice will be wet with delight as such genius, I'm sure they'll be over to take lessons from Mr Campbell in the not to distant future."
Many Westminster commentators believe the government may well win re-election from the positive buzz of its greatest lie. Tory Leader Michael Howard could not hide his fury last night "It's a disgrace not only do they manipulate a supposedly independent civil service but they also manipulate Judges now? Jesus can you imagine what would happen if they ever wanted a supreme court, kangaroo court more like. I shall be asking questions of the prime Minister, then I'm going to take him and Campbell outback and give them a proper hiding! Lying little shits! I might even invite the hereditary peers, Charles Kennedy and the royal family along for the fun too, they've all been on the receiving ends of these wankers and their dirty corrupt undemocratic slimey bullshitting."
Charles Kennedy, leader of the Lib Dems has been heavily sedated to stop his blood pressure going through the roof. A spokesman said "after the whole Murdoch buying the BBC episode we decided it would be better to keep him inside away from anything that may cause him annoyance. We had to have Piers Morgan put down for his own safety."
