Hutton Leaks condemned

Funny story written by bunny

Wednesday, 28 January 2004

image for Hutton Leaks condemned
The Sun's story was "not from vested source", Alistair no longer works for the government

Some Leaked details of the Hutton Enquiry have been condemned by everyone except New Labour. Reports appearing yesterday on, and in today's Sun newspaper painted contrasting pictures of the reports findings.

Whilst journalists at the attempted to paint a comical yet realistic picture of the reports findings, the Sun's version of the report was described by various sources who had been passed the report by Downing street, as, "utter crap", "they're up to their usual tricks", and "clearly Tony gives such good head these days that his bosses at News Corp. will spin any load of rubbish they can to clear his name."

One source went even further adding "then again I suppose if you've invested that much money in controlling British politics you'll do anything you can to keep your puppet in place won't you?"

Suggestions that the Sun's version of Lord Hutton's report came in fact from a phone conversation with a un-named source; have led to details of Downing street's phone records being seized by police. As an added precaution the Met. have taken anyone who could have leaked the report into custody. Alistair Campbell and Peter Mandleson are being held at Scotland yard while police search their homes for evidence. A neighbour of Mr Campbell told waiting reporters "It always smells of bullshit around here these days, has done ever since that conniving git next door moved in."

Tory Leader Michael Howard called for a police investigation into the leak, approximately 45 minutes after the investigation began. A spokesman for the Tory leader said "We'd advice the general public to read reports in tomorrows Daily Telegraph or Daily Mail, both these papers despise the Government and the BBC so their reports ought to be unbiased, and they're bound to have a picture of Michael looking outraged, which is always good for the opinion polls. Oh and vote conserative at the next election, we've spent years in governement without deceiving people."

The Prime Minister understandably has declined to comment at this stage. As a political expert put it "When a bunch of lies, in a paper owned by your boss, clears you of things you quite obviously did; you know you still have your friends and they'll still lie for you. Mr Blair now finds himself in the wonderful position; having got his version out first, of appearing innocent. The majority of people in Britain are not likely to read deeper or find out exactly what the Hutton report says, so Tony comes up smelling of roses. You have to admire the audacity of the man"

Meanwhile reports yesterday on the have been well received by the Tories and Lib Dems, one spokesman said "Its just such a shame that these satirical articles walk so close to the truth, the general public could be duped into thinking that Blair didn't suggest napalming Vietnam, or gassing the Kurds. People have to realise this is not just stoner conspiracy theories, it's the truth."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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