Written by sharkastic

Sunday, 29 April 2007

image for Duracell fined in indecency case.

Battery manufacturers Duracell were fined £4.28 for gross indecency at Kent Magistrates Court yesterday.

The giant conglomerate, well known for its superior longer-lasting batteries, found itself in trouble after the release of its latest TV advert last month. The advert features a row of naked women reclining on water beds, pleasuring themselves with rampant rabbits. One by one the women are frustrated as their batteries give out before orgasm is reached. Only the woman using Duracell batteries achieves release.

Defending the company's decision to broadcast the advert, its CEO, John Batterlast, stated that a recent opinion poll had indicated that adverts showing fluffy stuffed bunnies jumping up and down no longer cut the mustard with today's younger generation (a previous poll indicated that 84% of the company's sales were to people under 24).

"We wanted to present an image that would strike a chord with the younger generation," he said. "Statistics indicate that most young men fail to completely satisfy their partners and we felt that our product could give them a helping hand."

Sales of Duracell batteries are said to have increased 8-fold since the advert first appeared on Channel 4.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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