Buckingham Palace - (Ass Mess): The official State Visit to the US next week has been cancelled after Virgina residents complained that it would revive too many unpleasant memories on all sides of the Jamestown Massacre which Elizabeth II was due to commemorate in yet another totally pointless showcasing of the Puppet Monarchy.
Her proposed visit was to have included a trip to the President George Herbert Bush Center for Intelligence (sic) the CIA's headquarters whose name honors the mobster by whom Elizabeth II produced two sons, the Yorkshire Ripper and IRA mass murderer Gerry Adams.
Another visit to the V Tech institute was also on the agenda and was cancelled immediately following the killngs rampage earlier this month.
Added to that trouble back home with Kate Middleton dumping the Pretender's son William and an earthquake in Kent have all proved too much for the Puppet Queen who is still on heavy sciatica medication following unexpectedly vigorous shenanigans in the royal stables last year with a clutch of viagra-mad polo ponies and a gallon of KY.
"It's all very sad," said a British embassy spokesman in Washington DC, "but maybe for the best given that her Prime Monster Tony Blair is aboout to be arrested for flogging peerages and inciting treason back home in London."
Expect more details to follow.