"What's My Motivation, Victoria?"

Funny story written by Martin Gooseflesh

Sunday, 8 April 2007

image for "What's My Motivation, Victoria?"
" Is tis a dagger I see before me?" No it's your fist, David.

The Royal Shakespeare Company's 2007 autumn season is to include a new production of Macbeth at it's Stratford-upon-Avon home.

At first glance this would seem to be nothing unusual. Macbeth, (known as 'the Scottish play' by superstitious actors, who believe the title to be unlucky) is one of the Bard's most popular plays and is regularly staged the world over. This production will however be more than just run of the mill as the leading roles are to be taken by David and Victoria Beckham.

Director of the production, Sir Peter Hall Said:

"I am really looking forward to this experience. I think the story of a man driven to do things against his will by his wife's overpowering ambition, is just perfect for the Beckhams. I can't wait to begin this project."

Sir Peter was then suddenly taken ill and had to leave the interview in a hurry. From outside the room could be heard the sounds of maniacal laughter and shouts of "My career is over!" but it was impossible to tell exactly where it was coming from.

RSC artistic director, Michael Boyd, hurriedly picked up the interview saying:

"We at the RSC consider this production true to the ideals of Shakespeare himself. His plays were never written to be elitist and were aimed at every stratum of society. David and Victoria will help us to connect with a whole raft of young people to whom Shakespeare is an anathema."

Speaking From Hollywood, David Beckham said said of the project:

"To be honest, when we first got the call about it, I'd never heard of William Shakespeare. I asked Victoria and she said she wasn't sure but she thought he was dead. In the end I had to do a Google search and join one of them library things to find out about him."

Asked how he thought he would cope with his first acting role, he said.

"Obviously I'm nervous, cos I've never acted before but I'd like to think I can live up the standards set by other former footballers such a Vinnie Jones and Eric Cantona. Obviously Victoria is able to able to help with acting tips from her experience working on Spiceworld. The words are difficult, to be honest when I first read it I didn't think it was in English but now I'm part of the Hollywood set, obviously I can get help. I'm taking lessons on how to speak Shakespeare from my friend William Shatner."

Victoria added:

"When you're famous you have to do all sorts to stay famous and in the papers. After a while people loose interest in you just having another baby. So this Shakespeare thing is great for us even if it is only a crappy play only boring old farts understand."

The RSC said tickets for the production are to go on sale in June. They added they are very carefully looking for the right understudies for the leads but hope that The Beckhams will be able to appear in all performances.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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