The lovable glove puppet Sooty, from the 'Sooty And Sweep' show has joined the nudist religious sect 'The Fingers Of God'.
Since his show was axed by Thames Television following a scandal-ridden affair with Ramsbottom The Snake, the furry bear has remained silent - until now.
Speaking from a cardboard suitcase at his home in stocbroker-belt Camberwick Green, Sooty - or 'Izzy Bin Wizzy' as he prefers to be called - explained that he was "sick and tired of being manipulated by those so-called 'guardians of Children's Television'. My show had degenerated into a series of meaningless sketches about custard pies, strings of sausages and Harry Corbett being sprayed with jets of water. I'd had enough".
This isn't the first time that Sooty has spoken out about controversial issues. In 1982 he chained his ears to the fence at the Greenham Common nuclear base, in protest over American Trident nuclear missiles, and the fact that Sue - his 'girlfriend' on the show - was being treated as a second-class citizen: "Sue is a highly-intelligent woman. She holds a degree in Applied Linguistics, yet she was forced to sound like a cretin with a high-pitched voice. Her problems with Heroin all stemmed from this degrading treatment, and I once had to coax her out of gargling with Domestos in order to deepen her voice".
Sweep, Sooty's partner in the double act, admitted that the show had been riddled with conflict for a while, although he would only comment, "Pheeeeeeep!!!"
A board meeting later this week will meet to consider the future of the children's show. Plans put forward include Sooty being allowed to present 'Newsnight' along with Jeremy Paxman, and monthly appearances on BBC NEWS 24's 'Hard Talk', with musical spots being provided by 'The Sooty-Braden Showband'.
Sooty's mentor, Harry Corbett, was unavaliable for comment last night since they buried him years ago.
