London’s Metropolitan Police suspend cop known as Murderous Mick after convictions for multiple murders

Funny story written by Warrior Six

Wednesday, 18 January 2023

image for London’s Metropolitan Police suspend cop known as Murderous Mick after convictions for multiple murders
"We had no idea that Murderous Mick was a murderer"

A British cop who pleaded guilty to a dozen murders has been suspended, after police bosses say they need to investigate whether he’s fit to remain a police officer.

Micky Hansen admitted to a court in London, England, that he killed his victims over a period of 10 years, whilst on duty. He would often respond to an emergency call, kill the victim and go home for the day. Colleagues say they had no idea that the Brit, affectionately known by his nickname Murderous Mick, had killed anyone. His station sergeant, Dealer Donald, said “We just assumed that Murderous Mick beat up his victims, like we all do. We had no idea he killed anyone.”

However, footage from police CCTV cameras at his station show him coming into work on several occasions with blood on his hands and face. On one occasion he emailed his work to say he would be late coming in because he “had to find some acid to get rid of a body”.

It was also revealed that Murderous Mick had been the subject of over 20 complaints, including 12 complaints of serious violence. The British Police Investigations Bureau said they had tried to investigate the most serious complaints but the complainant in each case failed to respond and appeared to have disappeared. A spokesman said “We even sent a case officer to one address but all he found was a broken door, furniture knocked all over the place, some blood stains on the walls and floor, and the smell of acid in the bathroom. As there was nothing to suspect foul play, we marked the complaint as closed."

Assistant Chief Constable Dumbleweed said "We are really sorry to the families of the folk he killed but we had no idea that Murderous Mick was a murderer. He remains suspended while we decide whether he is fit to remain a cop."

Murderous Mick will be sentenced next week. Since the automatic sentence for murder is life imprisonment, he was denied bail.

Meanwhile, the Metropolitan Police denied that another cop, known as Cannibal Charlie, is under investigation. Inspector Corrupt Carl said no report had reached his desk.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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