A new strain of super bed-bug has started appearing in homes up and down the country and the message is "be afraid be very afraid"
A spokesman for a leading bedding store tells us:
"The first place these started to turn up was the poorer inner-city council estates where standards of hygiene and cleanliness are pretty poor.
These super-bugs thrive on crisps and of course the lower orders are always eating food in bed, and as they always buy shite for their kids and that, then it's no surprise that this plague is getting totally out of hand"
Doreen Slag of an inner-city estate told us:
"I was in bed with my hubby eating some crisps and dropped one. Then I let a crisp fall from my hand too. I reached down to pick it up and next thing I had one of these super bed-bugs attached to my finger. It was 'orrible I can tell you"
David Bellamy comments:
"Well what do you expect? These people need education and shown the proper way to live. It's bloody squalor what's caused this. The dirty feckers"