Staff at one of London's most prestigious department stores were left stunned today after a surprise visit by PM Tony Blair ended in controversy when the great man had a massive tantrum after his wife, Cherie Blair (QC) wouldn't let him buy a novelty tie.
The Blairs were visiting the Marble Arch branch of Marks & Spencer, ostensibly, it is thought, to buy some fruit to throw at David Cameron during Prime Minister's Question Time. However, after noting the amusing tie, complete with a picture of one Homer Simpson on it uttering the immortal phrase "D'oh!", Mr Blair scampered off to menswear, crying excitedly that it would be a perfect gift for his close friend John Prescott, you know, the big chap who doesn't really have a job but hangs around the boss all the time trying to curry favour. That's right, like the unpopular kid at school who sucks up to the sports jock in a feeble attempt to hoover up a little of his popularity. Anyway...
Mr Blair is reported to have said to staff that "...oh, this is-just-perfect-for......John, he'll-laugh.....and laugh. He...loves...Homer-Simpson you see...", and, giggling, his hands being continually rung and unrung in excitement, he ran off back to Cherie to see if he could have an advance on his pocket money.
Allegedly, at this point, the stern faced wife of this countries most popular leader since John Major said no, he'd had his pocket money for this week, and he wasn't to have any more. Mr Blair is then quoted as saying "...oh go on...please, please...PLEASEEEEEEE can I have some, its only four pounds and ninety nine pee and I want it for John, I want it, I want it, I want it...."
One M&S spokeswoman then assures this reporter that Mrs Blair then said "...yes, just like you wanted road tolls and you're going to get your way on that one, so you can't have this tie and that's final"
"Anyway, big Johnny has got lots of ties, you got him that one with the picture of David Beckham on it for Christmas, remember?"
Unrepentant, Mr Blair is then said to have fallen to the ground, shouting and screaming and kicking his little feet just as hard and fast as he could. Despite this, Mrs Blair was then said to have apologised to staff and dragged him off and out, saying "...just you wait until I get you home...", only to have a response of coughing and little sobs.
The door to Number 10 Downing Street is firmly shut this evening and Mr Blair is not coming out to see anyone. Upstairs, a single light was burning in Mr Blair's bedroom as early as 7am, it is thought he has been sent to bed and told to reflect on his behaviour today.
Mrs Blair has issued a statement saying that "Tony has been grounded, so you won't be seeing him for a few days. Please pass on any matters of urgent domestic policy to John Prescott"
Mr Prescott's Jaguar stands, forlorn and alone tonight outside his home. He won't be playing hide and seek with his friend Tony for a little while.
