The Diary of a Shit (Being the desultory ramblings, musings and observations of one, Quentin Muffin)

Funny story written by Quentin Muffin

Friday, 2 November 2012


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And so it has come to pass that Freddie (the fallen) Starr has felt the long reaching grip of the law upon his nape.

Certainly, Mr. Starr has put himself through the mill recently; even appearing on breakfast television and placing himself before those great upholders of moral rectitude; Schofield and Willoughby.

Hasn't the man suffered enough?

How easy it must seem to him now, as he faces his invigilator of a lesser ilk than the aforementioned who, even now, may be pondering upon his latest conquest "was she or was she not jailbait! She certainly looked over sixteen. She said she was too. And, anyway, she was wearing lipstick and everything."

Maybe, maybe not. But if it is the case then, no doubt, he brushes these irksome and troublesome thoughts aside as he surmises that, all things being equal, it will be thirty years or more before he himself will be brought in for questioning. And rightly so.

Slow are the gears that drive the engines of justice but assuredly and inexorably, they will catch up up with their prey (unless, that is; they have already died, have connections with people in power, are rich enough to pass a few bob to the right quarters to get them off the hook or are a client of the inestimable and stainless Max Clifford). Well, I don't know how things are going to pan out for Mr. Starr but, personally, I think he should have been locked up yonks ago for crimes against comedy

Talking of crimes against comedy, Has anyone else noticed how Jim Davidson, has been looking a tad thoughtful over the past few weeks. I wonder what is on his mind?

When then, will "Operation Yewtree" (AKA "Operation Shut the gate after the horse has bolted") turn it's witch hunt .. er .. investigations away from erstwhile comics to the rock bands of the seventies? There's got to be plenty of rich pickings there, what with their underage groupies and the like, I'd have thought. Ah, dear Michael, for decades have you lamented your failure to achieve satisfaction but, in the light of recent events, it does seem rather unlikely, doesn't it?

It'll all fizzle out soon enough I suppose, even that great indicator of the British mindset, the rabid hordes of Daily Mail readers, seem to have have had their fill of the tawdry tales of Sir Jimmy and his chums fumblings. Well, the X factor finals approacheth do they not.

Bugger it! I'm off home to watch an old VHS recording of "Mini Pops". Plenty of fodder there to slip into the old wank bank, what? Well they can't lock you up for it, can they? Which reminds me, I couldn't help noticing Mrs M. looked a bit deflated this morning. I must give her a good seeing to tonight.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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