UK Miserable old Bastard moans about everything!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Wednesday, 27 January 2021

image for UK Miserable old Bastard moans about everything!
"What the fuck am I doing in Boston anyway?!"

(NOT EDITED) John Joe Johnson, resident of a miserable town in Lincolnshire, UK, called Boston, is the perfect example of the actual town itself, bloody miserable!

JJJ, is a renowned miserable bastard who ambles around the town moaning at everything and everybody. Other miserable residents of Boston tend to avoid talking to JJJ because they become even more miserable!

Jaggedone, a happy-go-lucky satirical moron, heard of John Joe, and decided to send his most miserable CIA (You know who they are) reporter to Boston, Gregory Grumpy-Gump, to find out why John Joe is such a fucking nauseating moaner, and what he constantly moans at!

Here are John Joe Johnson's top ten grumps:

1) "Wherever I go there's dogshit everywhere, it stinks!"

2) "Fucking yobs on bikes in pedestrian areas in our miserable town called Boston, puncture their tyres!"

3) "Her inside couldn't make a decent brew even if she tried, and we live in Boston!"

4) Fucking ads on TV, they really piss me off!"

5) "Sex! I'm married mate and the last time I had decent sex was before I got married!"

6) "Conservative posh pratts in Westminster can go and f++k themselves!"

7) "Why the hell is Manchester United always in the headlines! What about Boston United? Even Gazza played here mate!"

8) " Lockdown! Just imagine being with her indoors 24/7, I'd rather shoot myself!"

9) "Kraut rip-off merchants, Lidl and Aldi, cheap and nasty, and that's why they force me to shop there!"

10) "The stench of cabbages rotting on farms ever since Brexit sent those Eastern European workers home. fucking Farage, what a tosser!"

There you have it happy readers of Jaggedone's happy-go-lucky spoof, if you to want to become a miserable old bastard, just invite John Joe Johnson round for a cuppa, he desperately needs somebody who listens to his constant moaning!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more