Food rationing to stop fat people getting fatter

Written by Mussy

Saturday, 10 February 2007

image for Food rationing to stop fat people getting fatter
"I've got a weight problem with my feet at the moment....I can't keep them out of the fucking pantry"

The UK Government are to agree plans to bring back food rationing in an attempt to stop the increasing obesity rate across Britain. Food rationing ended in 1954 after the Second World War but ministers feel this is the only way to stop the growing waistbands after countless initiatives to halt the blubber trend.

A new digital ration book will be introduced from January next year and this will link to a central database showing the amount of food that each family purchase and also what type. One minister said "We've tried everything we can to get people to eat healthier and stay fitter but they are just too stupid to understand. I see people in my own constituency waddling down to the fish and chip shop every night of the week, sometimes with a six pack of ale, who are clearly grossly overweight. This is the only way we could think of to stop these bloaters from stuffing more junk in their face."

The scheme will work by each member of the public having their ration booked scanned at the till. If they attempt to purchase items that will take them over their weekly allowance, the shop assistant will refuse the purchase and the tannoy system will have an automated 30 second response of "You fat bastard....You fat bastard.... You fat bastard."

The Minister of Agriculture claimed "These lumps of lard are clearly too brain dead to think for themselves so we're going to have to think for them. We've tried the gently gently approach but now we need to get tough - I mean, you could organise a sponsored walk round some of these people. The guy next door to me is the only person I know that can answer the front door while stood in the kitchen. He's disgusting."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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