London - (Rotters): The Non-Aligned Crack Barons Movement has sent a delegation of observers to London to inspect a nuclear device that Iranian ayatollahs and Saudi Arabia's Prince Waleed planted under Westminster Abbey as part of Tony Blair's Good Friday Agreement with the IRA.
The device is timed to go off should the Met's Serious Fraud Squad make any arrests in the BAe arms dealing scandal that saw George Bush Junior personally profit by $20 million as an honest (sic) broker in the murky 1908s business.
But now the Non-Aligned barons are threatening to blow the whistle on Blair's own ££££s cut unless they are given honorary peerages in the House of Lords and exclusive crack-dealing turf contracts for the London 2012 Olympic Games.
Meanwile Prince Waleed - Saudi Arabia's answer to Arthur Daley - is buying up UK assets as if there is no tomorrow, blithely insouciant that the Fraud cops have followed his own crack profits paper trail and are about to pounce on his latest little scam financing some Essex wide boys called the Candy Bruvvers. Who are fast carving up swathes of prime London real estate after swindling them from a portfolio owned by the Crown Estate.
And the nuclear device under the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in the Abbey? Rumor has it that it was defused by the bomb squad some time ago and digitally connected to a similar, live device sitting happily under the Tehran-Isfahan geophysical faultline that crosses under three of the country's top nuclear reactors.
As he sits in the comfort of his Chequers country estate this weekend for possily the last time, one question burns in Blair's mind: how could he have been so bloody stupid to ever play poker with NATO military intelligence spooks and expect to win after handing over his blind trust portfolio of assets to descendants of the Great Train Robbery and Robert Maxwell?
Cherry Bush is livid.