Its official, Manchester has fought off opposition from its rivals to build Britains first Super Casino.
In a close fought contest, Britain's most cosmopolitan seaside resorts Blackpool and Southend on Sea were forced to fold whilst The hand of Poker Faced O2 Dome (formerly The Millennium Dome) bosses, was 'called'.
Manchester gamblers were today rejoicing and already filing for extra state benefits to fund a gambling spree the likes of which have not been seen in the city since George Best left for London in the 1970's.
A spokesperson for organised crime in the city told Spoof today; "This is a fantastic opportunity for us to really get a grip on Britain, we have already placed an order for handguns and Mercedes 4X4's and will be holding open auditions for staff during visiting times at Strangeways Prison from May this year".
A visiting Colombian businessman was heading back home today to get started on a consignment of cocaine that has been requested for the opening night extravaganza.
Police chiefs in the city wanted to reassure the residents of Manchester that all will be well and that they were working very closely with the organisers to ensure that everybody was kept happy.
A disappointed Blackpool entrepreneur and renowned Elvis tribute act 'Elvis Precisely', was resolute " They can have all the slot machines and fancy lagers they like...they won't take our show donkeys or our vintage 'Double Diamond'*".
The team that have been readying the Dome in London state that all is not lost and that they are confident that they will still be able to host the international 'Gay Scout' Jamboree in 2008.
* Double Diamond - a British Beer served warm and flat in the north of England
