Students Sex and Alcohol Levels Fall To Record Low

Funny story written by Bob Muppet

Friday, 5 December 2003

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Student Topping Up

Student leaders were celebrating Tony Blair's decision to scrap top up fees for university courses.

They were even happier with the news that each student was to be given a grant of £10K a year to top up their alcohol levels.

Doctors have been issuing warnings that student's alcohol levels would be at dangerously low levels if the top up fees were introduced and it is believed that this threat had influenced the Prime Minister's decision.

Mr Blair accepted that the grant would not be sufficient to cover student's bar bills in total, but hoped that the gesture would be appreciated.

‘I was a pubic school boy myself,' Tony explained.

‘I know what it's like to be served a short pint.'

‘Let's hope the top up grants will stop this unfair practice.'

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