Winnie is really a lesbian

Written by humanoid

Sunday, 4 June 2017


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Winnie is really a lesbian
Winnie the stuffed bear and Piggy the leprechaun

Emerald City News: At the film age of 29, 'Winnie the Hoot,' a cartoon character, was living in Wonderland enjoying a successful career as a porn producer and working with film stars like, Elephant the Destroyer.

He had been to the 'Cartoon Oscars' where a film he had helped to produce had been nominated, "Jackass and Cow get fisted."

But in 2008, this all came to a halt. One Saturday afternoon, while looking in the mirror he noticed he had no genitals and realized he was a lesbian.

It was then she made the mistake of telling piggy the leprechaun her secret while hiking in the the blue mountains of the emerald city in wonderland- she got shamrocked.

Years later, uable to date she blamed society for her problem without realizing she could've invited a man on a date and propossed marriage at a later moment in time, so she could start a family.

"All my other friends were getting married and having kids," she said.

"I didn't have any kids - I was on a completely different trajectory."

Last year, she found herself single, unable to find that old leprechaun that had once gave her luck.

She said: "I was getting old and my fertility was dropping off and I wasn't anywhere further on the path to being a mother."

She decided to freeze some chicken eggs for a later moment in life to see if they hatch when thawed- it was too expensive.

When Emerald News asked a bagman for his comment on the situation he stated, "All she had to do was buy an insemination kit from a sperm bank, it's much cheaper than freezing chicken eggs. "- Wisdom from the streets.

Unable to get a clear answer from a psychologist, Emerald News sought the help of an old gypsy fortune teller who specializes in seance, a meeting at which people attempt to make contact with the dead, especially through the agency of a medium.

After contacting Charles Darwin, Winne's condition became clear to understand.

"Her situation isn't explained by ideology, it's explained by evolution, " says Charles Darwin.

Mr Darwin reveals that Winnie is missing her natural breeding partner like a Panda housed in a Grisly bear compound that is unable to breed.

"We must have compassion for Winne because she is not responsible for her situation," says Darwin.

She is classified by evolution as a natural lesbian because she is unable to breed in the presence of millions of horny men. It's logical to assume her natural breeding partner is a "sexually hyperactive male."

The structure of her brain is genetically adapted to one type of partner most likely a Genghis Khan. She most likely comes from a passive social ancestry where nearby families easily adopt unwanted children who carry a special type of lesbian gene that abandons offspring.

A complex matrix that has been disrupted by the new age alpha government and its judiciary network that is altering evolution. It will take a few thousand years before evolution adapts compatible couples to world governments, explains Darwin.

"The molecular structure of lesbians are mutations that have found several methods, in evolution, to keep themselves alive for centuries," says Darwin.

The receptive nature of females is dependent on a capable male initiator to produce life and this began when female fish deposited eggs which can only be fertilized by a determined male. When females started storing eggs in their bodies they depended on determined males to fertilize them. This viable male reaction is what allowed lesbian mutations to keep alive. A male with genetically low sexual determination is unable to keep the genes of a hostile lesbian alive, turning her into an evolutionary dead end.

At one point in evolution males developed a gene to protect their species from defective lesbian genes. The gene turns off the males reproductive determination if the female shows signs of hostility, lack of reproductive interest, or emotional irritation during intercourse. Leaving the "sexually hyperactive male" as the breeding partner of defective lesbians.

Other ways the lesbian genes are transferred are by forced marriages, by arranged marriages, by governments use of marriage licenses, by the legal force of courts, by the fear of divorce courts, by the use of binding legal instruments, by the use of marriage counseling, because of religious convictions, and by sexually hyperactive males.

Modern sex laws control the population of sexually hyperactive males, allowing natural selection to function properly. Males that are sensitive to female reproductive behavior reject lesbians and defective females removing their unhealthy genes from the gene pool, as explained by Darwin.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more