People Indecisive Over Marmite Fast-tracked Into Politics

Funny story written by Jack Allen

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

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"Right, now that you're all here. Yes or no. Do you want it or not?!?!?!!?

In 2013, anyone that claimed they weren't fussed if you put Marmite on their toast were fast-tracked into British political parties, to ensure their incredible indecisiveness and bullshitting talents did not go to waste.

Last year, countless members of the public claimed to witness others clearly stating they "couldn't give a flying fuck" if they consumed Marmite or not. When the correct authorities were alerted, these people were aggressively recruited by political parties, including The Liberal Democrats.

"Long may our image stay as it is," said Nick Clegg today. "Or not, as we're not that bothered. We've got loads of stuff we could be doing. Well, maybe. Might as well just stand around looking pretty! Our new minds have taken these vital viewpoints all on board very well so far."

According to claims within the Lib Dems, those recruited have so far thrived in their new roles, with experienced politicians claiming that the new recruits have "phenomenal answer avoiding skills", and that they all have an "outstanding inability to have a firm opinion on anything without liaising with another party".

There were rumours that the Liberal Democrats were putting plans together to win the upcoming general election with the new recruits at the forefront, but after countless interviews, these rumours are yet to be confirmed or denied.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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