Cameron Panicking; Suffers Sleepless Nights

Funny story written by galgar

Sunday, 13 April 2014

David Cameron is firmly in panic mode regarding the rising star of UKIP leader Nigel Farrage. The poor man is suffering badly from sleepless nights and the return of the old bed-wetting problem, supposedly cured during his late teen years. However, we hear that he has devised a cunning plan to rid himself of his vociferous nemesis. Of course the following data has to be verified, because he was overheard telling the tale down the pub after two full shandies.

On the advice of his illustrious cabinet, David has decided to re-introduce the Lunatic asylum system on the pretext that the current psychiatric hospital ward system is not cost effective and there are far too many dangerous lunatics wandering the streets in need of medication. Which is perfectly true, but his real reason is to section young Nigel under the 1906 mental health act. Guess who will be next on the hit list if he's successful in the re-introduction of the long overdue change. Odds are the barely British opposition leader and his fellow Marxist, Bollocky red Ed will soon follow Nigel into obscurity.

Apparently a substantial cash payment to the head Rabbi will guarantee that no opposition from the Jewish community would follow Milliband's incarceration. Gotta hand it to David, he really is a clever feller, despite his public schooling. He might even be able to obtain agreement with the Polish government to send MIlli to a modern Polish asylum on compassionate grounds, where he would be with his own kind. As far as red Ed's concerned, he will be staying here in Britain because it's doubtful the Russians would agree to take him on the grounds that he's neither use nor ornament.

Another point about Milli, being he has not previously had a proper job to contribute towards the national insurance or taxation systems.

So why in the hell should the already overburdened British taxpayer be force to pay for his keep?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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