A significant new species of Blood Sucking Tick has been found embedded in Alex Salmon's elbow.
Experts at the indigenous species unit under the Stone of Scone in Holyrood Palace described the discovery as "significant".
It is thought to be the first time that a tick, which usually takes advantage of elbow and arse confused people like Michael Gove, has embedded itself in a First Minister. It is hoped that the new Tick will attract masochistic etymologists to the area who can only be bitten by common midges and gnats at the moment.
Swarms of infected rash causing midges are common place in most of the picturesque areas of Scotland, and currently bite enthusiasts have to holiday in wooded areas of West Wales to get a really nasty rash.
A delighted Tourist Board representative told The Spoof yesterday, "This is Manna from Heaven, our combined tick, gnat and midge bite capability has rocketed ahead of resorts such as Papua New Guinea and the Amazon Rain Forest. Our new Independent Scotland will be off to a flying start (excuse the pun) and together with new peat bog attractions we are leaving West Wales on the starting blocks".