Savile inquiry spreads to Royal Freak Hospital

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Monday, 14 October 2013


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Performing a lobotomy on Mrs Thatcher's ministerial colleagues

London - Described as the global epicenter of NHS quackery during the Dr Andrew Wakefield MMR scam the Royal Freak has come once again under intensive screwtiny in a police probe into Jimmy Savile stuff.

The screwball paedo had a queer fondness for hospital premises where easy pickings on surgery trolleys kept him busy after exhausting the arctic temperatures of morgue-related acts of depravity.

His early forays into the Hampstead, North London NHS facility coincided with his sister, Mrs Thatcher, giving him his first Freak roaming pass for private inspections of patients and doctors.

"Jimmy's doing marvellous things with disabled patients," Mrs T once chuckled, "you should see the expressions on their faces after one of his special pastoral visits!"

However not everyone has fond memories of this son of the Queen Mother, least of all retired Freak pharmacist Jeffrey Largactil whose career shattered after a Savile visit coincided with a mystery disappearance of Class A goodies from the poisons cupboard.

"Effing bastard stole all the methodone ampoules," Largactil recalled this afternoon, "before selling them on in a Camden Town sauna.

"Wanna see pics of Jimmy shooting up skag with Princess Diana on board the royal yacht Brittania?"

Granddaughter Samantha Cameron is 69.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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