Written by IainB

Sunday, 5 May 2013

image for Mark Knopfler arrested for inappropriate remarks
Mark Knopfler saying "Faggot" when it was legal

Police have announced today that as part of the ongoing investigations into inappropriate behaviour of celebrities during the 70s and 80s that Mark Knopfler, lead singer and guitarist of the rock band Dire Straits, is the latest to be arrested.

"According to our investigations," said detective in charge, Jenn Darme, "we found that Mr Knopfler repeatedly used the word faggot in the derogatory sense in one of his popular ballads."

The song that has caused the controversy is Money for Nothing written in 1984 and released in 1985.

"The term faggot is a derogatory term meaning homosexual," said DI Darme. "Something which is now highly controversial."

Although in 1985 using the term faggot to refer to a gay man was not illegal, it was made illegal under the 1997 equalities act.

"Now that it is inappropriate to use such a term as faggot, we feel justified in going back and arresting Knopfler for ever thinking it was all right to say such a thing. In a published song as well! What was he thinking?"

Knopfler for his part cannot believe that he is being punished retrospectively for something that was not illegal when he did it.

"Where will it stop?" he asked. "Will we arrest people who bought cigarettes aged seventeen before they changed it to eighteen be arrested?"

Darme has heard that argument before. "Yes," she said. "We will be arresting them after we've finished with the celebrities."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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